Since around the beginning of this month, I have transitioned to LaTeX again and have started developing different personal websites and platforms again. On top of that, I have also started trying different writing applications and looking around for new ways of documenting. I have also restored my two older Roblox games. So all of these ate up around 15 days of time.
It is not that I do not have experience with LaTeX since I used it back in 2023, but I switched to Markdown for most of 2024 and am trying LaTeX again this December 2024. It is not that I never had any personal websites, but even now, I am experimenting with presenting different kinds of information and seeing how different websites containing different parts of myself would best be fashioned. Moreover, I mentioned platforms, which includes both making my own personal account in such platforms, but it also means that I'm also trying to expose myself to all kinds of online communities in order to stay aware and in touch. It is not that I have not tried different writing applications before, but even now, I find myself returning to Visual Studio Code. It was just out of curiosity. When it comes to the two Roblox games, this relates to my hope in making sure that I can somehow present to others these games, just like many other personal creative parts of myself such as art, music, and dancing, among others. Restoring these games is a start, but I need to integrate them within my writing whole (autobiography-journal, which includes all the publishing, personal websites, and platforms as well).
I should also mention that I'm experimenting with trying to have a Twitter-like feed as a form of summary status update..
When it comes to what I did in November 2024, I read 18th and 19th century books, among other activities.
This passage itself is a status update of what I've been doing from the start of December to today in December 18, which is an effective way to self-document.
Part of me, last night, when I was already exhausted and close to dropping asleep, felt that I did not do anything at all yesterday, and part of me felt that the websites, LaTeX, and all of the aforementioned recent activities and interests, while great, were inefficient.
But the truth is that it is supposed to be inefficient. It should feel shitty and like I did not do anything at all.
Feeling too satisfied could be a sign that I'm not at all innovating, even if I am growing. Innovation should feel disruptive, and it should feel like I'm still new to life.
It should feel like my younger years when I was very much still new to everything, even if I did travel, go to events, and befriend and encounter innumerable people during my upbringing. All that inexperience manifests as inefficiency.
But inefficiency is not necessarily inefficient.
It's easy to continue to write 7,000 words a day like I have been doing for the year of 2024, but it is the end of 2024 now. And it makes sense that after all that accomplishment, the natural course of action might be to continue simply that habit. But while I did work hard to reach this point of 7,000 words since back in 2023, now that I have proven that I can do it this year in 2024, it is now time to shake things up and upgrade.
The only reason that I reached 7,000 words was that I started off incredibly inefficient, awkward, and cumbersome in writing and with much slower speeds.
So it makes sense that at the end of this year, I am already setting up new challenges and difficulties, which are not just obstacles for obstacles' sake, but goals and objectives that will propel my progress further.
If I manage to get all sorts of personal websites and platforms up and consistently being serialized on, that would drastically impact my learning and growth trajectory, because I would have to take account of much greater levels of segmentation than I did back in 2023 with the start and initial development autobiography-journal (it started in July 4, 2023) and much greater levels of precision than I did back in 2024 with how much I've written and ramped up all the text content that I've produced in order to stabilize and deepen the autobiography-journal and writing as a whole.
Being able to expose myself to all kinds of media and online communities means that I will be able to be a lot more perceptive, which will make my writing that much more precise and grounded, because while having a very rich, vast, and complex real-life upbringing is great, being very digitally literate is just as great and an amazing complement.
Managing to get my Roblox games showcased, by virtue of doing lots of coding and experimentation with how to present them and consider how to make them appealing and engaging, maybe not necessarily in a game way, but in a way that at least performs its duty as self-expression, will change my landscape of coding in general, because I have not coded Roblox games much at all in the last 4 years. So returning to coding games will add a new layer to an already diverse and vast lineup of creative activities of self-expression—including (but not limited to) musical instruments, dancing, drawing, singing, videos, writing fiction and non-fiction, and making music, among others.
I can manage that the better I get at streamlining and providing different approaches to presenting the entirety of my life, the more accessible I become. The Twitter-like timeline feed can serve as a way to see shorthand status updates of my journey, with each representing a different point within a dynamically changing landscape of problem-solving. I can only imagine the implications of its solid integration.
I should also mention that one significant factor that is affecting my actions moving forward is the loss of my Youtube accounts. To explain, my main account got banned for harassment, and I believe that it is due to the inclusion of my vitriolic ranting in some of my rant videos. The other accounts got affected because they contained some copies of the videos from the main account. Anyway, I lost videos from 2021 to 2024 because of this. Moreover, even now, I still am affected by the regret of not having documented and taken much permanent recordings of many of my experiences, especially my two-month live streaming back in 2021 when I managed a Minecraft server for my viewers. Even if I did live stream, I did not export the livestreams so that they would be permanent. As such, the loss of videos that did document combined with how much I have not documented plays a significant role in how I've spending my time this October, November, and December, since the loss of the videos happened on September 9, 2024.
The worst part is that most of the videos were privated, so that includes the rant videos. But it makes sense that I would eventually be banned in hindsight. I just did not think that it would not come without a warning.
Anyway, so it is easy to imagine how my mind is turning throughout December especially. I have grown a lot more resilient to data loss, but that might also partially explain why I am a lot more proactive to deploying my content already.
So the "positive" side of having lost over 2,000 videos and all the other setbacks in the last 4 years is that I have become even more pressed.
I have become reminded again of my all-embracing goals:
I can think well of how much I have yet to write down in fiction stories and non-fiction framework writing as a way to represent all kinds of past experiences and what goes through my mind, such as my Minecraft server for my Twitch viewers back in my two-month live-streaming journey in 2021. It was like a virtual town created from scratch.
I have yet to have a more established digital ecosystem with all the websites and platforms, including (but not limited to) Tumblr, Neocities, Spacehey, btw.so, Blogger, and Github Pages.
I have yet to integrate every aspect of my life into the digital ecosystem, as it seems that for now, writing is the main and practically only "language" of that ecosystem. It is not necessarily bad that this is the case, given the loss of the videos and the compact character of writing. But the issue of writing is that it can blindside me to certain topics that one might encounter most often when writing or reading. Some experiences such as those earlier memories of walking through the streets and going to events need to paired properly with images, videos, maps, music, and all other languages.
I have yet to address every single piece of media that I have consumed and created throughout my life. To give examples, I have yet to talk about every single piece of Roblox video and game from throughout the years, and I have yet to do the same for each of my Facebook posts. I have yet to do the same for academic texts and novels and do the same for all of my Roblox games.
I have written much in terms of abstractions, terms, frameworks, and analogies relating to how I might accomplish this entirety—this ecosystem. I have analogized it to a town to a built and so many others, but even with the visualization of a town or a box-storage, the reality is incredibly nuanced, even with what appears to be a linear approach.
The fact that I can summarize all of these is great, but I can tell that even with such directness, clarity, and concision, I am still bothered for a reason.
I have talked about the same aforementioned overarching objectives many times in the past, and I have developed much since then. But I have also learned that even if one can approach it linearly and simply, the reality is much more nuanced.
Imagine the simplicity of a children's book, but instead of just that one book, imagine an infinity of children's books in a library. At that point, while the approach is straightforward, it is infinitely nuanced. One whole alone is already engrossing—an infinity of wholes in a single package or library is not a matter of immersion anymore, but a matter of acceptance, emotional regulation, interpretation, self-reflection, and internal management, rather than external manipulation and alteration.